Soulmate.

Your soulmate will not make you feel happy all of the time. They will probably not look the way you thought they would, or come when you think they should. They will bring up as much petty frustration as they do absolute bliss, so on what basis do you “just know” it’s them?

I struggled with this for years: Who would be right for me, and how would I know that they were? What formula of compatibility + chemistry = right, and how could I possibly predict how those things would play out so far down the line?

Chemistry is only sometimes an overwhelming feeling of love, and compatibility is not an exact science. I’ve heard that the person that’s yours is the one who comes back after you’ve let them go, the one who makes you feel totally at ease, the one who comes when you’d least expect it, the one who is your best friend.

But your soulmate is really this: the person who brings out your inner child. The person who makes you feel so truly safe that the kid inside you can come out. The person who makes you cry again, who makes you more yourself because you’re with them. That is your soulmate.

Your inner child is, of course, who you really are. It is the person who you were before the world damaged and conditioned you, before you learned and had to unlearn how to be a person and then evolve into who you really are. Your inner child is the one throwing tantrums to get your attention, the one who is still fearless enough to hope, the one who is happy for no reason.

And when I really think about it, when I really look back on my life, that has consistently been the perfect measure of the chemistry + compatibility equation: how much like my childhood self someone made me feel.

Because you can love someone and still not be right for them. You can be best friends and lack a spark. You can go through rough months and years and then see your love blossom again after enduring it’s trials. You can’t always trust “how you feel” to determine who is right for you.

But you can always trust how you behave. And if you’re ever stuck wondering whether or not you’re in love, whether or not you’re happy, whether or not you’re in the right thing, what you should ask yourself is who are you not only when you’re with them, but when you’re not? Who have you become because they entered your life?

The person who makes you more of who you really are is the one you’re meant for. The one who makes you not only the adult that your child-self would be proud of, but the one who makes you realize that that child is still very much alive.

You Have To Remember To Check If You’re Ok

I’m hoping by writing things out, I might be able to cope with my anxiety a little bit better.

My anxiety and insomnia has started to get bad, like really bad. Contemplating things I shouldn’t be contemplating. I constantly feel anxious and have nightmares that wake me up in a sweat. Maybe in the future I will write more about these nightmares, but for right now I’d prefer not to.

I’ve always been quite aware of myself and my actions, but lately i’ve lost sight of that. From the outside I seem like a normal happy person, honestly most people consider me a happy, positive, and relaxed girl. I’ve always been told that I have such a good aura around me. I was always that girl and I still want to be. I am always happy and positive for other people around me. Always. I don’t want anyone around me to ever feel the way I do, and I will try all my might to make sure they never do. What most people don’t see though is behind that smile and that laugh, I am in a lot of pain…

For about a year now, I go weeks with only a few hours of sleep, if I’m lucky up to four hours of sleep a night. I try all relaxing, therapeutic ways to help me sleep. So far, the only thing that will help to a degree is a medicine that helps with troubled sleep. The bad part? It doesn’t work well in the sense it makes my heart race, but I still take it regardless just to get a full nights sleep to function the next day. I prefer not to take medication on a regular basis though. I actually don’t like taking medicine at all.

Over time I have become this person that never rests, but I think that happened to me for  a lot of other reasons too…which I haven’t really gotten into explaining. I try to avoid so much. Thinking it will all just go away one morning, but it never does. A girl can wish though. One of the things I hate most, its all so physically and emotionally draining. I worry that all this will be so much of a downfall for things for me in the future. It is just so hard and it makes me so frustrated. Especially since I was never like this before.

I stress about things that wouldn’t matter to most people.

I just wish I could sleep without fear of waking up anxious or from nightmares, I wish I didn’t always feel so mentally tired fighting my own thoughts everyday.

I’m skipping around my story, I know. You’re probably trying to piece together the little bits I do share. So i’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense to any of you right now. I just don’t have the courage to spill it all yet. To be honest, I have had a lot going on, but I was only able to admit my own personal issues to myself a couple months ago. I was never able to admit them to myself, or anyone for that matter. I was always trying to be that happy, excited, and positive person for someone all the time, that I had no one doing it for me…and I lost myself. – One day though. For all I know, some of you could relate to me.

I know my own mental anguish is no worse than the many people out there suffering worse fates of their own , even worse than mine i’m sure. I wish I could help them, like I help other people around me, at least try my hardest too. It’s a terrible feeling to have, to have no one beside you when its needed most.

I know I should be thankful for the things I have, and I am. I try not to ask for much, I’ve always thought it was very important to be genuine, thankful, and humble.
Every.Single. Day. 

Night Time Reminder;

“I need someone. I need to hold somebody close. And I need more than this holding. I need someone to understand how I feel at a time like now. And the understanding must be part of the holding.” – A Tree Grows In Brooklyn

  • “After Rain” By Dermot Kennedy

Home.

“I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.” – Five Quarters Of The Orange 

Night time reminder

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”‏ 

Grow Through What You Go Through

I strongly believe that positive, feel good energy can change lives; thats where I am at in my life, or at least trying to grasp again. I’m learning that not all energy is meant for you, just like people. Not everyone we meet is meant to stay, but everyone is meant to teach you something. If you’re lucky enough, some people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. The best part? You never know who those people are going to be. It can be anyone you encounter, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. If you’re lucky enough to find that one person, you don’t know how lucky you truly are.

Unfortunately, sometimes things happen to you that may seem painful, unfair, and horrible. You start comparing yourself to other peoples lives. You keep asking yourself repeatedly “why me?” – I get it, but you know what? Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. You find that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

If someone betrays you, hurts you, or even breaks your heart, forgive them. They have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart to someone. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

– And for the people afraid to open their heart again, I speak to you the loudest… 

Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. Without these small bumps in the road, tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable. Boring right? It would be dull and utterly pointless.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, and set your sights high. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. The people you meet who affect your life and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. “Someday everything will make perfect sense, so for now, laugh at the confusion, smile though the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.”

Make each day count and fight for the ones you love.

Quarter Life Crisis? You’re not alone.

The solution to Quarter life crisis is becoming more pro-active in your life. Everyone is going to give you their opinion and their suggestions, but do what supports you, your health, and your mindset. Let me guess, a lot of people tell you to “just keep pushing forward”, “drive through”, now they’re not wrong, but YOU, yourself has to set mental and physical actions. That way, you can work against everything. When working on yourself, its honestly about realigning yourself, for YOU only, not for anyone else.  If you want to align yourself to fit in with others (again), do so. Do what you need to do, to balance out your lifestyle and staying away from the bullshit in this society.

I won’t sugar coat this, mostly because I know what it is like first hand. When you’re feeling this way. It’s a raw, and an extremely personal feeling. It’s hard. You want to scream, cry, laugh, every emotion you can think of. It’s like having your period every single day of your life. Right girls?! Just do it. Let all the emotions you can out. I’ll be honest, I’m not very good at showing my emotions. I’m actually terrible and keep all of them in until I explode. So listen to me, I only want help each and every one of you going through something like this; and maybe in return, i’ll learn in the process.

When I help people, I want them to feel comfortable and safe. No one realizes how much that matters. I want to help you piece together an answer for yourself and expand with that. Anyone can tell you, including myself; all the signs of a quarter life crisis, but in the end its you who needs to see it and to believe it in order to overcome them. Trust me, knowing the quarter life crisis signs won’t help you. They will just sit deeper inside of you for a longer period of time…and you’ll feel even more stuck. Don’t hate me too much, but soley treating the problem doesn’t just stop it. Depending on the person, sometimes addressing this and making life style changes too quickly, often causes a person to run themselves into a brick wall and come crashing down. What helps will be the actions you take to move ahead, at your pace, your time span. The answer is 100% a matter of life style, always.

The Basic Steps to Overcome a Quarter Life Crisis

  • Be patient with yourself is KEY
  • Be persistent with joyful actions
  • Be non judgmental with challenges
  • Be consistent in trying
  • Walk away from anyone trying to bring you down
  • Walk away from anyone trying to force you
  • Laugh at the lies
  • Laugh at society when it says no
  • Laugh with anyone who makes you sad
  • Laugh, Smile, Walk Away is you must. Don’t let the hard feelings you have drag you under deeper into non action and depression.
  • Be aware of your truth and don’t let the media undercut your ideas or direction

I’ll leave you with this…

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